Turn Your Rejection into Revenge and Find Relief

(R < R) ± R = R© (The purpose of this article is to bring awareness about mental illness. If you think you have a mental illness, or you think someone you know might have a mental illness, I advise you to seek the recommendation of an experienced mental health professional - a psychologist or psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental illness. They have M.D. degrees and are licensed to prescribe medicine)

One day last week, I was so distraught from the acts of my spouse and child; I literally wanted to end it all. Me. Teacher, educator, scholar and most embarrassingly mindfulness coach. How can this be? How does one preach the practicality of breathing to live a more self-fulfilling life on one hand and then on the other want to end that life?

I believe it first begins with understanding mental illness. Secondly, I believe we do this by sharing our pain and becoming completely and whole-heartedly vulnerable with the feelings that overwhelm us. Lastly, we must reflect on what we’ve shared, erase the board and begin again.

The emotions of despair that I felt on that particular cold-hearted day were insurmountable. I locked myself up in my room and stayed there through dusk and into dawn. As I lay there with my best friends, Sugar, my bed, and TV, I began to binge watch the most dismal dramas I could find to console me and justify my feelings.

They weren’t hard to find as the majority of programs these days provide plenty of dejecting viewing pleasure. Eventually, one particular tragedy caught my eye called (R < R) ± R = R©

It contained blockbuster drama, classic symptoms, and in consistent form was an all-star cast.

Starring:

• My Brain as Patti’s Mindtop

• Euphoria, Elation, and Mania as the Entrepreneurs

• Doubt, Fear, and Mistrust as the Wildfires

• Sadness, Hopelessness, and Despair as the Torrential Rains

• Self-harming, Suicidal Thoughts, and Purging as the Mudslides

• Optimism, Courage, Desire, Revenge as the Benefit.

The foundation of the story went something like this:

Most geologists will tell you that whenever a large group of rocks tumble down a slope, it’s called a landslide. Moreover, when vast amounts of snow blast down the slope of a mountain, experts call it an avalanche. So what do you call it when a

huge flow of mud travels down a slope? You got it, a mudslide. Our former President Roosevelt once wrote, “A nation that destroys its soil destroys itself.” This rings true today. Patti’s Mindtop is one of the biggest dwellings guilty of continuous building in a place where billions of people already live. No matter the cost, entrepreneurs continue to build to appease the wealthy.

And the story went something like this:

Up on the hillsides of the Jacinda Valley, a plethora of cliffside homes overlooking the ocean of Chantilly Beach had the most amazing scenic views life could offer. From atop the knolls, amazing sights could be seen: dancing dolphins leaping in the sun, huge humpback whales emitting their sea water from their massive spouts, and even stingrays shooting up from the top of the white water caps.

Life atop these cliff sides was glorious indeed, but they also put people at risk by holding them in the path of soil erosion processes. The wealthy didn’t mind as money could afford them quite an opulent lifestyle. Showing little interest for the well-being of nature, people continued on with their daily lives. Until one deadly mishap, then another, destroyed that life forever.

It had been sometime, in the mid-center region of Patti’s Mindtop that rain had fallen. Wildfires began and wreaked havoc on the luxurious mountains that encapsulated the valley. Of course reports of arson had been speculated, but it is well known that most fires are set purposefully in order to rejuvenate pasture grasses as well as to get rid of stubble and old crop residue, and clear out any onset of bacteria, waste, and disease. As a result of these wildfires, large bands of the region had seen all of their plants burned away. Without anything to hold the soil in place or consume any of the moisture, the next rain seemed poised to bring about some kind of shift.

And shift it did. Months later, torrential rains poured for days on end. The law of gravity set its natural course downward, water rapidly accumulating the ground which began a subsequent movement downslope bringing with it any type of soil, rock, and other debris. Unfortunately, it brought down homes along its path as well; mansions inundated with mud were submerged in brown goop up to the roofline. The worst mudslide of all time!

Friends of Patti’s Mindtop knew how hard the devastation was as the buildings that were once spectacular homes, now mud-filled, sat dangling by its shingles over the mountaintop. Precious mementos, memories, and material items were stored in a few boxes, while the rest of their belongings were gone forever.

Eventually, new teams of friends banded together. They decided it was time to take action to help Patti’s Mindtop and others, recapture some of their dignity and self-worth. Buzz quickly got around town about the (R < R) ± R = R© Benefit. Before long, everyone began donating to make the benefit a success.

After watching that program, I fell into a restless sleep. (The good news about sleep is you erase all the crap from the day before). I awoke the next morning reflecting on the program (my feelings/emotions) I had watched:

While time heals, the devastation of the wildfires (doubts, fears, mistrust), torrential rains (hopelessness, despair), and mudslides (self-harm) still linger. Eventually, a new day comes and along with it some optimism, some courage, and some small desire. Yet, I planned to stay in bed instead of what I had originally scheduled to do so I could continue to feel bad, and more importantly, make my family feel bad for making me so miserable. This is the best way to describe my mental illness.

But then suddenly I remembered something I learned about REVENGE. Revenge is a better feeling energy to have than a depressed feeling. And at that moment, I wanted REVENGE on my family more than anything.

So, instead of lying in bed all day, I set out super early, before anyone got up and began my day. I made sure I was out until my scheduled appointment and then after. I was gone from morning until late at night. I had a better day than the one before. Out of that scheduled event I attended, I made several really good contacts for my business. Those really good contacts led to my feeling of self-worth and better choice making for myself.

So here is my formula when that all-consuming emotional melt down set in:

(R < R) ± R = R© R- (Rejection or similar feelings) is less than R- (Revenge feelings) which turns into R - (Rejuvenation) which equals R – (Relief).

When the mental illness part of us begins to set in, it is not a result of one isolated instance. It manifests over many instances that we choose to ignore or recognize until full depression sets in (drought). Eventually we implode and we have outbursts of crying, screaming, and the tears don’t stop (torrential rains). The imploding, if not handled can turn into worse feelings of self-harm, purging, or suicidal ideology (mudslides) and we cannot move forward. The goop of the mud is everywhere and it is a miserable existence.

The movement is in REVENGE. If someone has harmed you, insulted you, shamed you, ridiculed you, bullied you and you cannot get unstuck try to go to the REVENGE mode. Write down or think in your mind how you are going to get even until your depression feeling begins to pass. When you are in REVENGE mode you are one level up from feeling depressed.

The magic of the REVENGE mode is YOU DON’T ACT ON IT. It is just a means of getting you out of bed and giving you some momentum to do life. It is a higher energy level feeling than depression. Burning your notes of REVENGE or mindset (rejuvenation), you can begin to feel some sort of relief.

If you need help contact National Institute of Mental Health. This blog and the suggestions in BFOB are not to be used in place of mandatory intense psychotherapy. I have a Doctorate in Philosophy and I am NOT a licensed psychotherapist. For more Mindfulness Education contact Breaking Free of Bullying website.

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(The purpose of this article is to bring awareness about mental illness. If you think you have a mental illness, or you think someone you know might have a mental illness, I advise you to seek the recommendation of an experienced mental health professional - a psychologist or psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental illness. They have M.D. degrees and are licensed to prescribe medicine).