Closing the Learning Gap: Is the End the Beginning?
- Apr 12, 2021
- 4 min read
Updated: May 13, 2021
That rainy day in September driving home from Las Vegas was the end of the beginning of my daughter’s life.
It was a working-pleasure weekend for my daughter and husband. A chance to get away for awhile, just the two of them, while still working on academic and business goals. For my daughter it was going to a test prep class for SATs to build up the scores for a great future at Stanford or Berkley. My husband’s business was journalistic in nature, writing on learning how to take SAT tests effectively.
It was a great father-daughter weekend, but because of the rain, they decided to leave early on a Saturday morning to avoid traffic and big rigs on the road. It wasn’t raining terribly hard, but good enough road conditions for my daughter to practice her newly learned driving skills. After awhile, the water began to build up on the sides of the two-lane-only drive, just outside of Baker. As the two roads widened into three, my daughter thought it best to stay in the middle lane.
It was only a few minutes later where she felt water, air, or something unexplainable begin to lift itself up under the tiny Z3. She could feel the wheel shake under her unsteady hands as the back of the car and tires began to swerve. Panic set in and instead of just letting off the brakes and keeping the car straight, she panicked intensely, and slammed on the brakes instead. Immediately, they began spinning like a teacup and she could feel herself think: “This is not happening, this is a dream,” and then she began reciting, “Hail Mary full of grace….” My husband could hear my daughter’s voice scream, “MOM,” even though I wasn’t there. I could not answer her, and the car just kept spinning…..even now recalling the events, my daughter began crying uncontrollably, heart pounding against her chest, and her body in a complete sweat.
They ended up hitting a guard rail and flipped over, landing on their heads in a soft-top comfortable. Both hanging upside down only held by the seat belts, they muttered to each other, “Are you okay?” After the shock of the accident, they finally were able to crawl out of the car, completely unscathed. Not even a scratch.
Long story short, my daughter never went to Stanford, Berkley, or any other prestigious school. The incident forever changed her, and they never talked about it more than, “Yeah we got in a bad car accident." The almost fatal accident was the end for her in terms of “stuff.” She was different. It was the end of the beginning of her life. Just as her life was taking off in the right direction, catastrophe happened and her whole trajectory was dismantled. Or was it just a new beginning?
After a lot of reflection, we determined that all the attachment to things, were a waste of time and energy. Fancy cars, Dolce & Gabbana shoes, good grades, high test scores, prestigious colleges, all that "stuff" didn’t matter. Defining happiness on “stuff” was not a way to live. Sometimes disaster needs to happen to shake us up…literally.
In my earlier article, 3 Ways to Close the COVID Learning Gap, I discussed education and its antiquated learning system, its need for disruptive innovation and what I like to call "ruffled rejuvenation" and the development of essential principles necessary for valuing the whole child. When discussing the whole child, educators must embrace a growth mindset shift which calls for the respect of each child, their perspective, and unique ability to create. This process begins by allowing children to discover who they are without interference or guilt from external influencers.
Within weeks of the accident, I began to notice the drop in grades and then the disinterest in soccer. I never realized the impact of the accident. In actuality, the anxiety from the accident seeped into all areas of her life and I never made the connection until now, years later. The accident made her realize that she hated her life and everything in it. She didn’t even know who she was unless she was pleasing someone else, namely me.
Therefore, when Jalen Hill, the former UCLA basketball star announced his retirement from basketball this past week, I completely understood. It was his announcement that allowed me to connect the dots with my daughter. I am so extremely happy for him and that he has found himself free of expectations from others. Self-discovery is extremely painful, especially when you feel like you are letting everyone down, or feeling that the world is shaking their head in disgust. The bottom line is however, that Jalen was put on this Earth to live his life. And the same is true for my daughter.
No amount of stuff, money, or fame is going to bring joy into my daughter’s life. And when she meets her final days of living, she will not ponder on material items, degrees, or soccer wins. She will most likely reflect on how she lived and helped others, how she loved, and how she laughed with those close to her. She is now spending time getting to know herself and discovering her likes and dislikes. She is no longer a puppet for anyone.
You educators reading this right now, remember this: The students you are teaching are children or perhaps young adults; they do not need judgement from you, they need guidance and unconditional love. If you cannot offer that, perhaps your knowledge and experience is not aligned with the true meaning of being a teacher. For the sake of the whole child..... move on.
Dr. Patti Martin is an educational leader and anti-bullying advocate. You can connect with her and read other articles at Mindful Your Life as well as order a copy of Breaking Free of Bullying
Follow her on Twitter @mindfulyourlife
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Such an insightful approach to learning! Indeed, closing the gap is really an exciting new beginning. It is just like the way Book Publishers Canada and KDP encourage writers to have a new journey each time. An end leading to a new beginning.
How fascinating! This is one very fascinating point of view about bridging the gap in learning! In fact, this idea comes alive when you see how book publishing in Australia keeps growing for the sake of lifelong learning.