Angry Much? SMILE Your Revenge

Are you one of those people that can’t stand it when someone says, “Hey, you! Why don’t you smile?” or “What’s your problem? Maybe you should smile?” Don’t you just wanna scream, “Shut the fuck up! Don’t tell me to fucking smile!” Well, that’s pretty much what I did the other day while perusing the stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

You see, I was really transfixed on the stars and looking for specific stars that I wanted to take photos of for my wall. So, when I am on a mission, so to speak, focused, or just really pensive of all the things I need to accomplish for the day, I tend to I guess, look angry. But I’m really not. So I get annoyed (just a little), when someone implies that I am less than I should be.

First of all, why do I even care what someone thinks? That is something I am really trying to work on these days. Why do I allow someone to give away my power and go off on them? Probably, there is something else going on in my life. The poor loser on the street had no idea that he triggered something in me that began a week earlier with my boss. So now what? Do I stay pissed off and ruin the day? Do I go back and apologize for being an insecure mutt? Do I get defensive and justify my rudeness to my family for being a pompous ass? Well no, not exactly. What I really need to do is, reflect on my actions.

Yeah right. I know you’ve heard it all before. You have the cure that ails me. Well, maybe I do and maybe I don’t. That really depends on you and your action (or non-action). What I do know is this: I don’t preach what I don’t practice. So what’s the miracle med of the day? Smile.

Ugh! I know. You’re thinking, “I knew this was a crock of shit!” The reason I know this is because when it was presented to me in my early college days, I too uttered the same words along with enormous EYE ROLLS. You want me to smile after just asking me, “Don’t you hate it when someone tells me to smile?”

So how can you SMILE, in that instance, when you seemingly have no resources? I mean there were no punching bags around, no pillows to scream into, and definitely no bottles of vodka to do shots. You may not be able to do this straight away, but once you stay connected to what is really going on in your life, and practice, you will be able to identify the resources more quickly and regularly. So try one or all of these resources instead:

S – Squeeze your fists really tight, then release. This is better than “Shut up freak!"

M – Mind your manners! Making a “fake” smile is better than making a fool out of yourself

I – Inhale through your nose (Really loud, really deliberate: Think Napoleon Dynamite)

L - Love yourself first by repeating “I’m okay”, “I’m fine”, or “I’m good” over and over again.

E – Empower yourself enigmatically! Turn around and say, “OMG thank you much for telling me how wonderful, special, and beautiful I am!”

If you can use humor to turn those feelings around go for it! Keep them guessing and remain a mystery.

Using mindfulness to manage anxiety as described in the SMILE exercises noted above is essential because mental health problems will affect one in seven school children, with internalizing (emotional) and externalizing (behavioral) being the most common difficulties (Bayer et al., 2011). Anxiety has been shown as the most commonly

diagnosed for young children and adolescents (Grills et al., 2014; McHugh & Behar, 2009). The main factors for developing an anxiety disorder in early childhood are those children who show signs of Behavioral Inhibition (BI), or whose parents display high levels of stress in parenting skills (Pahl, Barrett, & Gullo, 2012).

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Developing an anxiety disorder at an early age can manifest difficulties into other areas of life such as school, learning, and socializing (Robillard, James, & Holder, 2012); moreover, anxiety is linked to low levels of literacy (Grills et al., 2014, McHugh & Behar, 2009) and

there is an explicit relationship in which reading comprehension abilities and poor academic performance are affected by high anxiety (Esbjørn et al., 2015, Tysinger, Tysinger, Diamanduros, & Earley, 2010) as well as an inability to concentrate and focus on academic tasks (Chiesa et al., 2010). If you’re a college student reading this, don’t wait 20 years to use your smile, like me. Empower yourself by connecting to what is really triggering those angry feelings or emotional outbursts. If you are unable to move forward with these SMILE strategies, then seeking professional counseling is always a good option.

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If you’re a parent or teacher of young children remember that your children and students adore you and model everything you do. Just think how great it will be for your kiddos, in the long run if you can instill the SMILE strategies. Studies have shown that if you SMILE and look up you CANNOT BE MAD!

All images courtesy of Google Images

Now what are you waiting for? Get out there and SMILE ‘til you drop!

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Are you in need of a more consistent Mindful Coach? For further information contact me at DrPattiMartin@gmail.com or visit www.MindfullYourLife.org

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