Don’t Ever Let That Music Die: The Boy Band That Saved My Life
- Aug 17, 2017
- 6 min read
It’s been over 35 years since I was a little girl and I can’t believe I still feel like crying when I look at all those old album covers with my favorite all-boy band. Those old feelings of love, hope, and joy come rushing right up my stomach filled with butterflies, as I remember, how I so desired that one day I would meet them and at last be happy.
Why am I crying? I hated being a child and adolescent so it can’t be that I wish I could go back in time; I NEVER want that to happen. Could I be crying because life was easily solved back then by a song, a dream, a hand extended to me by my beloved singer, while crooning my favorite romantic melody? Maybe so. Much like Beatlemania, I was one of those absolutely crazed fans who spent every waking moment thinking, breathing, and spending every single cent on anything adorned with MY fab five.
And they were worth every cent. They saved my life.
Victims of Sexual Abuse and Bullying
"Inside a broken dream, I cry" (Faulkner, 1977)
Being a victim of sexual abuse and bullying is never easy for anyone to go through. But you do go through it nonetheless; alone, frightened, and ashamed. You never tell anyone because who would ever believe a priest could perform such filthy acts, especially when they were perceived by family as Gods?
The hypocrisy for me was the most confusing. How does a man of the cloth find it perfectly justified putting his hand up a young girl’s skirt and moments later use the same hand to raise the body of Christ in church, with the bread of that symbolization? Rather than try to solve a question that I didn’t even know existed I would just sing…“It’s a game, a game, a game that we’re playing. Well I don’t mind but, I don’t make the rules.” (Faulkner, 1977). I did mind.
Day after day I would just sing and sing and sing. That’s what I would do to escape, sing happy songs all the night long. It worked. Music used properly, is a very powerful and positive tool to healing. They must have been my guardian angels because I didn’t know then as a 4th grader, that I was being rectified. “Forget the changes, as life rearranges to something new” (Faulkner, 1978).
Dr. Bria Bliss, author of Breaking Free of Bullying, states, "Music is a great way to switch your mood from the bad to the good zone. Now, I don't mean music with lyrics like 'F*^*k off, b*^*^h!'I speak of music that -bam! - automatically and immediately uplifts you. How does music help alleviate bullying?" Breaking Free of Bullying explains this as well as detailed information on "how to understand the function of the brain and the emotions connected to it," explains Dr. Bliss.
Overview of Emotions and Brain Activity
How does this emotion thing work? And how does music help alleviate all those crazy emotions? The function of the brain and how it works and the emotions that are connected to it are important to understand (Jacobs et al., 2012).
The amygdala is located in the medial temporal lobe and it is the white brain matter that controls emotions (Williams, 2010) including the fear response (Bledsoe & Baskin, 2014). When the amygdala is triggered by something that is fear-based, like molestation for example, it immediately sends signals to the hypothalamus (sensory balance) and then the hippocampus, which controls memory formation and organization.
The more the amygdala is calmed, the more apparent is the thicker gray matter located in the brain that controls the sensitivity to the brain (Williams, 2010).
One way to calm the amygdala is to listen to calming music and breathe. Now while I am positive I was not into Zen meditation way back then, there was something in the music that had a calming effect on me. This is true today.
Even now I think back to that time; I can’t express how happy those five lads made me feel when I sang along. It’s been over three decades since I have heard any of those old tunes, but now thanks to YouTube, I can reminisce, and it is truly magical….again.
Calming Your Amygdala
How in the world do I remember every single lyric from every song that is never, ever played on the radio? Well music helps the brain function in various ways. Like I mentioned earlier, the hippocampus controls brain function. So by the constant repetition of happy music, the brain is working. More importantly, the more you sing positive, uplifting words, the happier you become. Let me try to explain it without getting too technical and wordy.
Our past experiences shape our behaviors, perceptions, and thoughts even without us realizing it. However, to what degree do these influences reveal themselves? Researchers found that negative perceptions create a negative response in the amygdala (Pichon et al., 2012). Simply stated when you think bad thoughts, you trigger that part of the brain (amygdala) that will make you angry, upset, worried, panicked or frustrated. Replacing negative thoughts with more positive thoughts, the amygdala part of your brain becomes calm. When your amygdala is calm the result is happy, peaceful, and relaxed mind and body (Pichon et al., 2012).
So remember when you are stressed out, put some corny music on and sing gleefully like a fool! You’ll be a happy fool at least! Positive perceptions can and should be used as much as possible. When you are listening to positive music it is easier to do.
Road to Recovery
It was truly a breaking free time for me; a positive diversion that I know now kept me away from a life of drugs, alcohol, and possibly prostitution. And now decades later, once again, my beautiful boy band is rescuing me from despair. Time does heal and the music, well it never dies.
Just recently, about a week before Christmas I was once again in a sort of bullying crisis. While I can’t express what I would like to say here because of legal ramifications, what I can say is that I have had the wonderful opportunity to connect to my inner child and get reacquainted with my boys. From what I understand they have reunited and are touring. Sadly, they are too far away for me to see just yet, but I know that they are once again rescuing me from the depths of despair.
“I remember all those days gone by. I remember all the faces. The old familiar faces. Don’t let the music die. Though our song could last forever. And though we’ve said ‘Good-bye’, we could spend our lives together. So now as time goes by…don’t let the music die.” (Faulkner & Wood, 1977).
It’s time to break free of the pain and move into prosperity. Share your story.
Did this article help you? Let me know how I can improve ways to reach out to you. If you liked what I have written so far please leave your comment and email.
I am writing a book that goes into more depth and detail about my experiences, but would like to know if it is something you would be interested in reading.
Patti Martin has her PhD in Education. She devotes her time to helping others heal emotionally and spiritually.
Dr. Bria Bliss has been an elementary school teacher for over 21 years who was "bullied" out of her teaching job. Her new endeavors including author of Breaking Free of Bullying are to continue to work with children, teens, and parents in connection with schools to EDUCATE on bullying, and not just as statements on school newsletters.
You can purchase her book on this website HomePage or at www.MindfulYourLife.org
REFERENCES
All images courtesy of Google Images
Bledsoe. T.S., & Baskin, J.J. (2014). Recognizing student fear: Recognizing and Overcoming this Classroom Obstacle. Azusa Pacific University
Jacobs, R. H. A. H, Renken, R., Aleman, A., & Cornelissen, F. W. (2012). The amygdala, top-down effects, and selective attention to features. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 36, 2069-2084. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2012.05.011
Faulkner, E. (1977). “Inside a Broken Dream”, It’s a Game. Bay City Rollers, Arista Recordings. Harry Maslin, Producer.
Faulkner, E. (1977). “It's a Game”, It’s a Game. Bay City Rollers, Arista Recordings. Harry Maslin, Producer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKciPqtqffw
Faulkner, E. (1978). “Strangers in the Wind”, Strangers in the Wind. Bay City Rollers, Legacy Recordings. Harry Maslin, Producer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnV3gfVweU4
Faulkner, E, & Wood, S. (1977). “Don’t Let the Music Die”, It’s a Game. Bay City Rollers, Arista Recordings. Harry Maslin, Producer.
Pichon, S., Rieger, S. W., & Vuilleumier, P. (2012). Persistent affective biases in human amygdala response following implicit priming with negative emotion concepts. Neuroimage, 62, 1610-1621. http://dx.doi.org/1016/j.neuroimage.2012.06.004
Williams, J. M. (2010). Mindfulness and psychological process. Emotion, 10(1), 1-7
Comments