Is Family the Other "F" Word

Which is worse? Up or down? In or out? Family or fucked? I guess that depends on which way you’re going. Some families seem to have it all right. They stick together: thick or thin, right or wrong, moral or immoral.

I often wondered how certain families seem to look the other way when a family member or two does something to rock the boat. You know what I am talking about? Name your vice. No matter how egregious their acts are, certain families seem to just move along the rocky road of life, still the family intact, no matter what.

Then there are those families who act like you don’t exist. They just leave. They abandon you as if there is something wrong with YOU when in fact it is them with the issue. Why is that? Why do parents, even grandparents just act like you were never born?

Once in a while you come across families, very close families, who find a voice then it all crumbles. This is where I find myself. After 20 years of putting up with family members who are selfish, spoiled, narcissistic, and just plain ungrateful, I finally had had enough. I put my foot down, spoke my mind, and did not allow myself to be emotionally abused, one second longer. But at what cost?

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We all want to have a voice. We all want to speak out at the injustices of the world. We all want to say how we’ve been wronged, but sometimes it comes with a very heavy price tag.

I spoke my mind at my last job where I was a teacher, and I lost that job after 20 years along with twenty-year relationships with people whom I thought were my family. And now, even though, I am a published author, I am still struggling to find lucrative employment and stability.

I spoke my mind with my sister and I haven’t spoken to her since before Thanksgiving. It was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas my family did not spend together and it continued on to Easter. It has been difficult not spending time with my adorable little nieces.

I spoke my mind with my step daughter and she no longer speaks to me. It has caused my husband to sneak her in our house behind my back and caused great dishonesty within the relationship, but I guess it has always been that way. It is just painfully more evident now. And that charmed life I provided for her? It doesn’t seem to matter.

So now I sit here day after day wondering what happened to my life. Mom was right when she said, “If you can count your friends on one hand you’re lucky.”

Is speaking one’s mind worth the cost of family? Or is family just fucked?

Dr. Bria Bliss is author of the best selling book Breaking Free of Bullying and is co-founder of a non-profit organization with the same name. Come meet her this Friday and Saturday, April 20-21 at L.A. Book Festival held at USC.