Outwitting the Bully in 3 Steps: A Mindfulness Approach

The fall of 2020 found me at the epitome of madness having just gone through an earthquake the night before writing this. I thought to myself, “When is this craziness going to end?” Covid began in March, and with it the cancelling of March Madness. Soon after, would be the death of Floyd and Briana which led to Black Lives Matter and protests. Then in September, we had endured weeks of brutal fires near where I grew up in southern California, a firefighter’s death, and the worst air conditions I can remember. Soon after was the attempted assassination of two Compton police officers, with angry mobs blocking the emergency entrance to the hospital in Lynwood, California. Just this week May 19, 2021, we out here in L.A., have been subjected to more hate crimes and anti-semitisim.

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The 5.1 earthquake on the late evening of September 18, 2020, found me only a mile away from the epicenter. As I reached for my dog and ran to hide under my desk, I could feel my paralyzed body filled with fear. I looked up at my daughter and husband and blurted out, “Do I live here? Where am I?” Thus, sparking a sort of astral projection, a feeling of being out of my body. It was a very cathartic experience. I had just realized that all these undesirable moments had literally caused the Earth to shake from uneasiness. I woke up the next morning feeling hangover-like symptoms and decided it was time to move forward with my writing after months of procrastination.

I had the sense that the Earth was exhausted from all the turmoil of the world and so it reacted exactly as it was feeling amongst a plethora of negative energy. I am aware that the Universe at large, creates more of what we think about and as of late, we have created a multi-layered, thick, muckiness like a putrid tar that cannot be peeled away. The bigger question is: How do we release this negative energy, or better yet, how do we peel away the mucky layers that we have manifested over time?

Turns out we, as a universal society, have become the biggest bullies of all. Therefore, the focus of this blog, is designed to educate, based on research-based evidence, how to effectively manage the reactions we encounter upon being bullied. We can no longer dismiss bullying as simply "a part of life" mentality, using avoidance methods in dealing with the mistreatment of others. We can, however, instill proper teaching in Mindfulness Education to acquire what I term, ‘the course of minimum conflict, or ‘the route of simple response.’ Essentially what this means is that our reaction to something or someone is key in determining the end result.

Let's travel together in exploring various ways we can change our life for the better so that we do not erupt like a volcano or explode like an earthquake. For when we implode, based on our response to situations, we can create the demise of our life. Better to learn, early on, how to effectively manage our reactions so our time here on Earth is happy, abundant with positive energy, health, and wealth.

So what can you do right now to Outwit the Bully in you?

1. Have a pre-school mindset.

When you were a toddler, before you were brain washed by your parents, teachers, bosses, and the world around you, you were a whole loving human with unconditional love at the core of your being or your inner child. You were like the Fox and the Hound playing with anyone who wanted to share in your joy of just being alive. See your world as a playground and invite those around you to play with you.

2. Never do anything you don't want to do. Now this is a tricky one because obviously we need education and we need to earn a living so yes, we have to partake in schooling and we have to work. But see it as a temporary process until something better comes along. Make sure you are inspired not motivated but other people's desires. Nobody likes to be bossed around and told what you should be. Only do things that make YOU happy: Not your mom. Not your dad. Not your ...fill in the blank. When you are working towards a goal that fills you up emotionally, i.e., makes you happy, the hard stuff to get there doesn't really seem like work.

3. Compare and Contrast. Remember learning this concept in school? Well, this applies to your life right now. When you are contrasting you are thinking about things that you DON'T WANT in your life. This is good because it helps you to focus on what you DO WANT in your life. So shift that mindset. However, the worst thing you can do is to compare yourself with someone else, for you will always fall short. The only comparing you that needs to be done is within yourself:

• Did I learn something today that I didn't know yesterday?

• What would I do differently today to make a better outcome?

• How can I visualize a different result so I am better tomorrow?

This will take practice, but we all know that we cannot control other people, we can only control what we think, how we feel, and our reaction to someone or something.

• If someone mistreats you, react by finding someone else on the playground to interact with and enjoy.

• If someone around you has a controlling behavior, react by writing down things you want in your life that make you happy and put it in a God Box (or whatever higher source you want to label it), and surrender knowing those choices will come to fruition.

• If someone or some circumstance causes you to compare yourself with someone else, react by breathing deeply three times and change the channel, i.e., getting on a different wavelength or frequency: Put on music, watch a comedy, or focus on the three questions listed above.

When we do our part to change our bullying behavior, we contribute to a growth mindset of reacting to outside sources in a more non-confrontational manner, and thus promote peace.

Patti Martin, Ph.D. is a Mindfulness Educator, reading specialist, and mentor and coach for teachers. Check our her book Breaking Free of Bullying, aka Dr. Bria Bliss

Next time in Outwitting the Bully we will discuss decluttering your mind and your life. Until then:

NAMASTE